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ГарфилдДжон Арбакл


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Garfield: You know, some foods are funnier than others. Beets are funny. Liver...not funny. Prunes are funny, potatoes aren't. Chicken, now that's funny.
Jon: How about pickles and kumquats for lunch, Garfield?
Garfield: WAH HA HA!


Jon: Hey, Garfield. Let's spend today celebrating all that's good in mankind. Let's do a good deed for a stranger, stop and smell a flower and compliment a friend.
Garfield: That's a heavy thing to lay on a cat first thing in the morning.


Jon: My what a nice looking tie.
Man: What are you? Some kind of weirdo or something?
Jon: Some people aren't very nice, are they, Garfield?
Garfield: Welcome to planet Earth, Jon.


Jon: What's your philosophy of life, Garfield?
Garfield: All the world's a cookie jar, and all the men and women merely crumbs.
Jon: And how do you feel about yourself?
Garfield: I happen to be one of the chocolate chips.


Jon: Isn't it a glorious morning, Garfield?
Garfield: Big, fat, hairy deal.
Jon: You know, Garfield, I have the feeling you're a cat with a little cynic in you.
Garfield: That's not true! I'm a cynic with a little cat around me.


Jon: Time passes slowly on a weekend. A fly crawls up the wall. One of those iridescent flies of fall. Time passes slowly on a weekend.
Garfield: That's my Jon. He's raised boredom to an art form.


Jon: Tonight I am going to take Liz out SOLO. You are staying home, Garfield. Where's my favorite tie?
Garfield: I get to go with you, and the tie lives.
Jon: What say we double date, old buddy?


Jon: And here's something for jolly old Saint Nick.
Garfield: Ho ho ho.


Jon: Look, Garfield, a robin's nest. You can tell by the eggs.
Garfield: That's nothing. Look over here. A cow's nest.


*Rrrr*
Jon: GARFIELD! LUNCH TIME! GARFIELD! WHERE ARE YOU?
*Screee*
Jon: It is time for you to eat, your majesty
Garfield: If I must
*Рррр*
Джон: ГАРФИЛД! ОБЕД! ГАРФИЛД! ТЫ ГДЕ?
*Скриип*
Джон: Время трапезы, Ваше величество
Гарфилд: Ну так и быть




Jon: We must do something about your breath, Garfield.
Garfield: It's not my fault you left the garlic cheese out last night.




Jon: What do you think, Garfield?
Garfield: Don't ask
Jon: There's nothing like camping out in cold weather
Garfield: That's for sure
Jon: As the temperature drops, the circulation gets going
Garfield: And the feet get numb
Jon: This is nature at her best!
Garfield: I'd settle for less
Jon: We have everything...our fire, our shelter...
Garfield: Our coffee on a stick


Bird: Beep! Beep!
Garfield: Just as I thought. All the warranties expired yesterday.


Jon: I just got comfortable Garfield. Do you ABSOLUTELY have to be let out?
Garfield: Oh, yes
Jon: Very well, then
Garfield: Sucker
Джон: Гарфилд, я только устроился. Тебе ДЕЙСТВИТЕЛЬНО очень нужно выйти?
Гарфилд: Да, да
Джон: Ну хорошо, хорошо
Гарфилд: Неудачник


Jon: Guess where we're going, Garfield?
Garfield: To a hayseed convention?
Jon: Yesiree, we're gonna see mom and dad on the farm. We're gonna slop the pigs and pluck the chickens. Boy howdy, we're gonna have us a time
Garfield: That is, if your father doesn't beat the heck out of you for doing that stupid stereotype
Джон: Угадай, куда мы собираемся, Гарфилд?
Гарфилд: На слёт деревенщины?
Джон: А то ж. К папане с маманей на ферму нагрянем. Поросям корму зададим, курей ощиплем. Чудно времечко проведём!
Гарфилд: Да уж. Только если твой отец не выбьет из тебя эту дурь, чтоб ты не строил из себя селянина


Jon: We had fun visiting the farm, didn't we, Garfield?
Garfield: Speak for yourself, Jon
Jon: It's great getting back to basics, putting your hands in old mother earth. But I'll never get these fingernails clean
Garfield: A real man of the land
Джон: Неплохо мы на ферме отдохнули, а, Гарфилд?
Гарфилд: Говори за себя, Джон
Джон: Здорово возвращаться к истокам, беря руками матушку-землю. Только теперь замучаюсь грязь из-под ногтей вычищать
Гарфилд: Настоящий сын земли


*Lap lap lap lap lap*


Jon: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GARFIELD!
Garfield: Gulp!
Jon: Maybe you should have blown the candles out first
Джон: С ДНЁМ РОЖДЕНИЯ, ГАРФИЛД!
Гарфилд: Ам!
Джон: Возможно, тебе сначала стоило свечи задуть


Garfield: YAWN. I hate to eat alone.


Jon: Take it easy on that coffee, Garfield. It might be too much for your tiny system.
Garfield: Pardon me, boy. Is that the chattanooga choo-choo.
Jon: Bingo.


Bag: ROWR.


Jon: That hamburger is mine, Garfield.
Garfield: It's mine. Let's see if you want it after I stomp it, lick it and shed on it.
Jon: You win, Garfield. You can have it.
Garfield: I don't think I want it now.


Jon: We're stranded, Garfield. We'll have to find somewhere to spend the night. What about that place?
Garfield: Cute. A little paint, a few curtains, and it would be a regular love nest.


Jon: I guess we'll have to stay in this abandoned house tonight, Garfield
Garfield: I can't put my finger on it, but I have an uneasy feeling about this place


«Garfield's Law: Cats can't hear commands...»
Jon: Garfield! Get off the bed!
«Cats can't understand cajoling...»
Jon: See? Even Tommy the clown likes this new cat food.
«But the do sense when you want to take them to the vet.»
Jon: Let's go for a ride, Garfield.


Intercom: The captain has advised that the «fasten seat belt» sign be observed in case some slight air turbulence is encountered


Garfield: Look at those stupid dogs. Yabba yabba yabba.
Dogs: ROWF! BARK! BARK! BARK! YIP! BARK!
Jon: Go away, dogs. Leave my cat alone. You just had to get in your last lick, didn't you, Garfield?
Garfield: Me and my big tongue.


Jon: Hey, Garfield, we're going to the farm to visit dad and mom this week
Garfield: Goodo. I need a change of surroundings. I was getting bored with this city life. It will be nice to be bored in the country for a change
Джон:Эй, Гарфилд, мы едем на ферму навестить папу и маму на этой неделе
Гарфилд: Хорошо. Мне нужно сменить обстановку. Мне наскучила городская жизнь. Будет приятно скучать за городом для разнообразия


Jon: That pesky wind won't spoil our picnic now, Garfield. Where's the mustard?
Garfield: Under the third rock from the left


Jon: I missed you so much, Garfield! This is going to be the best Christmas ever, because you're here.
Garfield: Jon?
Jon: You never realize how much you love someone until they go away.
Garfield: Jon? Jon? Jon?
Jon: What is it, Garfield?
Garfield: Read my lips. I'm hungry!


Jon: Hey, Garfield, a late Christmas package arrived for you from my mom.
Garfield: OH NO!
Jon: Why, it's your annual Christmas sweater! I'll bet you thought she forgot.
Garfield: There was always the hope.
Jon: You should send her a «thank you» note.
Garfield: I'll get a letter bomb out immediately.


Garfield: I'll give you 10 zillion dollars for that cup of coffee.
Jon: There you go again! Every, I say, EVERY morning you steal my coffee.
Garfield: Aw, isn't that sweet? Our little ritual.


Jon: Good morning, Garfield
Garfield: Hi there
Jon: Wha?! You're everywhere at once! How do you do that?
Garfield: Magic.
Jon: Amazing!
Garfield: Thanks, guys


Jon: Can't you close your mouth to eat? You're hard to look at
Garfield: You mean, this bothers you?
Jon: Yuk! I see no humor in that, Garfield
Garfield: Then why am I chortling?


Jon: You're shedding agan. What am I supposed to do with all this cat hair?
Garfield: Knit the world's largest hairball. Trade it with your friends, start a mustache factory
Jon: This is going nowhere
Garfield: Insulate your house! Filter your coffee!


Garfield: Did you know there are three kinds of cat hair? There's the common easy to clean kind... There's the kind that disappears into the carpet, never to be seen again. And then there's my favorite... There's the kind that hangs in the air forever
Jon: Land! Darn it! Land!


Jon: Well, I've swept under the furniture, vacuumed my chair and shaken the rugs. I'm finally rid of all your cat hair
Garfield: Fortunately, I keep an emergency supply in the back of my bed


Jon: Dinner time, Garfield! I ran out of canned cat food. I'm sure you know what to do with this dried stuff.
Garfield: I certainly do
Jon: Woaah! Enjoying your cat food Garfield?
Garfield: We must have it more often


Garfield: Hmmm
*Click click*
Garfield: Okay, your move
Jon: GARFIELD! How many times have I told you not to play with your food?
Гарфилд: Хммм
*Стук стук*
Гарфилд: Окей, твой ход
Джон: ГАРФИЛД! Сколько можно говорить, чтобы ты не играл с едой?


Jon: Hey, Garfield, what say we have potatoes for dinner? Gee, it's been a long time since I fixed potatoes
Garfield: Tell me about it


Jon: Trivia time, Garfield! What's the only substance on earth harder than a diamond?
Garfield: Your leftover pizza


Jon: How's the coffee?
Garfield: It's a little weak.


Jon: We have here the last piece of cake, Garfield. I suggest we draw straws to see who gets it
Garfield: I'm not a betting man
Джон: Гарфилд, остался последний кусок торта. Давай будем тянуть соломинки, кому он достанется
Гарфилд: Я не азартен


Jon: Look, Garfield! A moo cow!
Twin 1: And a bow-wow!
Twin 2: And a piggy-wiggy!
Jon: Ha-ha, you guys!
Garfield: This must be the famous farm humor I've heard about.


Jon: Garfield, you act like you own this house.
Garfield: I do.
Jon: What's this?
Garfield: A deed.
Jon: This is a forgery!
Garfield: I'll see you in court.


Garfield: Never tell a hungry cat the dinner is almost ready. Something smells good. What is it?
Jon: I'm going to bake a lasagna. Garfield, do you wanna help?
Garfield: Let me think about it for a min... Sure!
Jon: First we'll brown the hamburger with the tomato sauce and seasonings.
Garfield: I'd better see if this stuff's fresh.
Jon: Next, we'll lay a bed of noodles in the pan.
Garfield: One for me, one for the lasagna. One for me...
Jon: And now we'll bake it for one hour at 375
Jon: Gee, that recipe didn't make much lasagna.
Garfield: It apparently didn't take sampling into account.


Jon: Go get the paper, Garfield
Garfield: Work! Work! Work! That's all I do around here. I wonder what would happen if I just kept right on walking? I guess I'm going to find out





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