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Гарфилду телевизора


Garfield: I have television commercials. They're too long to sit through... And they're too short for a trip to the sandbox!
Гарфилд: Ненавижу рекламные ролики. Они слишком длинны, чтобы их пересидеть... ...И слишком коротки, чтобы успеть сбегать до лотка!

Garfield: I hate television. There are too many commercials, reruns and game shows. The eight hours I watched yesterday was terrible

Garfield: Television is only so much mindless drivel... Glossy adventures, sex and violence. Ain't it great?

TV: And now, a word from our sponsor
TV: Welcome back

TV: Ah ah ahhh! Don't touch that dial. We'll be right back

TV: Our cat food is new and improved! New and improved! New and improved!
Garfield: Just think... All this time I've been eating old and inferior

Television: Nothing is showing up on the computer radar so I"ll put a nice «Mr. Sunshine» right here. But, satellite pictures show an approaching low-pressure area, so I'll put mean ol' «Mr. Thunderstorm» and his lightning bolt right here. Look out, Mr Sunshine! Boom! Kaboom! Blam!
Garfield: Millions of in state-of-the-art electronic equipment to gather data and we get baby talk.

TV: Okay, campers, it's time to exercise! Let's start with some leg lifts...ready, begin! Annnd ONE and...
Garfield: Two.

Garfield: I'm stuck on one channel!
*click click click click*
Garfield: What could be worse?
TV: Welcome to the lassie film festival
Garfield: AARRRGHH!

TV: Stay tuned. Or don't. We don't care... For apathy theater.

TV: And now...the juggling Rigatoni brothers. Oops. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Garfield: The flaming baton may not be a good idea.

TV: Cats are more popular than ever. And our hidden camera shows why! Payoffs to pet owners from the powerful cat lobby!
Garfield: LIES! ALL LIES!

TV: Ow! I cut myself! Ouch! Now I burned my finger! I think I'll order a pizza
Garfield: «Cooking for Klutzes»

Today's program is brought to you by a product we couldn't care less about
We're being cancelled at the end of the season, so it hardly matters anyway....
Hey, petey everett from third grade...Bite me!
Garfield: Too bad it's ending...it's getting better

we at channel 3! are dedicated to quality programming
informative,educational, and responsible, that's us!
we now return to worlds ugliest people
Garfield: look at that nose!

TV: We clowns laugh on the outside. And cry on the inside. How fascinating, Binky. Tell us more.
Garfield: I'm awake on the outside and asleep on the inside.

TV: Now back to «Grandma's knitting basket»!
*click-click-clickety clickety click clickety cli-*
TV: @#M*%@!!!!...Dropped a stitch!
Garfield: Grandma's a colorful old gal.

TV: We return now to «The Littlest Elf».

TV: My first guest tonight needs no introduction

TV: Frank, dearest, there's something I MUST tell you. Go ahead, my darling. Tell me... ...Uh... This has been «Writer's Block Theatre»
Garfield: ...

TV: Nothing whatsoever happened in the world today. Everybody was watching television. Details at eleven.
Garfield: ...On the All-Irony Channel.

TV: Culthbert...Oh, Culthbert... Culthbert, There's something I must tell you... Yes, Philomena, my dear? I...I am in love with another.it's Thaddeus. Thaddeus Ramsbottom? Yes... Might I remind you, Mrs. Aphat, that your maiden name is Scott. So? So, if you marry Thaddeus, your name will become...Philomena Scott-Aphat-Ramsbottom. I think I'll say... That's my chubby bunny!
Garfield: Vanity triumphs over love once again.

TV: Welcome to the All-Mime Channel. And now a word from our sponsor.

TV: A GIFT CARD? I spend THREE WEEKS baking cookies, and all you get me is a lousy GIFT CARD?!! We will return to «The Christmas Mommy Snapped»
Garfield: Hide the rolling pin

TV: RAAAAHHR!!! Holy BOVINES, corporal! There's a giant monster invading the city! That's not a monster, sir. What are you talking about?! Call out the artillery!! It's just a bad actor in a rubber suit. Oh, it is NOT! It's a monster! Come on...I can see the zipper! Egad! A ZIPPER monster! That's the worst kind! And that's not a real city. INSOLENCE! I'll have you COURT-MARTIALED!! These are just tiny little model buildings...
Garfield: General Cordwood seems to have buried himself in the part

TV: Welcome to «Self-Help For Cats». Tonight's subject... Changing your own litter box.
Garfield: «Menu», «Mute», «Guide», here it is... «Block Channel».

TV: Welcome too «Adorable Animals.» Here's a puppy who just can't stay awake! And two kittens who snuggle together in a sunbeam... As squirrels and bunnies frolic together in a garden outside! That's it for this weeks «Adorable Animals» Coming up next... «Hideous, disgusting animals»

TV: We now return to «Dick, The Cat Who Didn't Save Christmas».
TV: Dick, stop clawing the waterbed!
TV: Oh, no! The presents are all soaked!
Garfield: All right, Dick! Now go swat the ornaments off the tree!

TV: Welcome to «Stupid Mime Theater». Uh...line?

TV: I have solved the mystery of who ate all the peanuts! But what about the murder? Oh...that...
Garfield: Nice going, inspector low-hanging fruit

TV: Why are cats the way they are? We don't know. They won't tell us.
Garfield: So stop asking already!

TV: Yes, dogs are indeed man's best friend. And cats? They're more like a snobbish neighbor.
Garfield: Peasant!

Garfield: I've watched enough television.
TV: Coming up next... ...something.
Garfield: That might be good.

TV: Watermelon slices make tasty treats. And the rinds make lovely hats. And gluing the seeds to your eyebrows tells people that you are a fun personage!
Garfield: Craft people are strange.

TV: News flash! Space aliens have landed! They have taken over the Earth! And they really don't like cats.
Garfield: I hate Mondays.

TV: What's that, fluffy? - Meow meow. - What are you trying to tell me, Fluffy? - Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! - I wish I understood you, Fluffy
Garfield: He says he hates being called «Fluffy»

TV: Here comes the monster! Look at him just shuffling along. Why are they always so slow?
Garfield: It's a two-hour movie.

TV: And here's the news. Wow... Seriously?
Garfield: Read it out loud!

TV: Ow!...Ow!...Ow!...Ow! How am I supposed to do this?!...ow!! We will return to «The Invisible Man Cuts Himself Shaving». OW!!

TV: The two dinosaurs are fighting! At least I think they're fighting... ...Or slow dancing.
Garfield: The romantic music might be a clue!

Doc: I'm afraid I have bad news, Curtis
Curtis: Give it to me straight, doc
Doc: You have a severe... Nut allergy
Curtis: NOOO!!
Garfield: Tough break for a squirell

TV: Good evening! And welcome to backward theater!

TV: Don't touch that dial!
Garfield: Okay, I won't. And what's a dial?

TV: And now here's our movie reviewer, Bob... I didn't see the movie this week. I slept through it.
Garfield: Sounds good!

TV: No, really!.. Honest! I found these holes when I got it home!
TV: Riiiight
TV: We will continue with «Mothra returns a sweater»

TV: Today, on monster horror theater... «Attack of zombie recliner»
Recliner: You're blocking my view

TV: Nooo! It can't be! I've run out of moisturizer!
Garfield: The mummy's curse
ТВ: Нееет! Не может быть! У меня кончился увлажняющий крем!
Гарфилд: Проклятие мумии

TV: Coming up next, on cliffhanger theater...
ТВ: Далее в шоу «Продолжение следует»...

TV: OW! That's my eye! - Sorry - OW! That's my OTHER eye! - Sorry - We'll return to «The invisible man gets a tattoo» - OW!
ТВ: АЙ! Это мой глаз! - Извините - АЙ! Это ТОЖЕ мой глаз! - Извините - «Татуировка для человека-невидимки» вернётся к вам через минуту - АЙ!

TV: I've DONE it, Igor! - Done what, master? - I've attached the brain of a pig to a beanpole! - What IS it, master?! - Me, in high school!
ТВ: Мнее это УДАЛОСЬ, Игорь! - Что удалось, хозяин? - Мне удалось соединить мозг свиньи и жердь! - И ЧТО же получилось, хозяин?! - Я, в старших классах!