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Garfield: It was bound to happen. My stomach finally outgrew my legs. Worse things could happen I guess. Like this, for instance

Garfield: Did I ever tell you about my uncle Harry? He was a famous mouser at a glass plant in Gas City, Indiana. Legend has it that uncle Harry chased a mouse right into tank #2. Now he's a paperweight in Bayonne, New Jersey

Garfield: Ah, six a.m. Time to rise and shine
Garfield: First, a light breakfast of juice and toast, then some jogging. HA-HA-HA! That was a good one

Garfield: Z
*Smack smack*
Garfield: Oh my gosh! I slept through today's strip!
Гарфилд: ХР
*Чавк чавк*
Гарфилд: Боже мой! Я проспал весь сегодняшний комикс!

Garfield: Boy, it's hot! Out birds. Out, out, out. SHARKS!

Garfield: Hmmm a doggie biscuit. What a disappointment. That doesn't taste at all like doggie
Гарфилд: Хммм собачье печенье. Какое разочарование. Оно безвкусное, как и всё собачье

Garfield: Yesterday I stuffed Odie's nose in his mouth. You should have seen him... Running around in little circles going «Mark! Mark! Mark!»
Гарфилд: Вчера я запихнул нос Оди ему в пасть. Вы бы видели... Как он бегал кругами и повторял «Ваф! Ваф! Ваф!»

Garfield: Some people say pets are not clean. That may be so. But try eating your next meal without your hands and see how well YOU fare
Гарфилд: Некоторые люди говорят, что животные нечистоплотны. Может, это и так. Но попробуйте в следующий раз поесть без рук, и посмотрим, что у ВАС получится

Garfield: Attention America! I am hereby declaring this week NATIONAL FAT WEEK. This is the week for all you fat people to come out of the closet. Those of you who could get into one, that is
Гарфилд: Внимание, Америка! Я объявляю эту неделю НАЦИОНАЛЬНОЙ НЕДЕЛЕЙ ТОЛСТЯКОВ. На этой неделе все вы, толстяки, вылезайте из чуланов. То есть те из вас, кто смог туда залезть

«CARTOONIST'S NOTE: Today's Garfield strip is to be read only by fat people, or people with fat tendencies, you skinny ones can read the other strips, or jog, or drink a glass of water, or whatever it is skinny people do. ...I wouldn't know.
Garfield: I am hereby declaring this coming week. «NATIONAL FAT WEEK». OUT OF THE CLOSET, YOU FATTIES! This week we're going to eat without guilt. Remember our slogan: «If it's not deep-fried, it's not worth eating.» We'll boycott carrots and tell skinny jokes. I would have had a national convention. But I couldn't get the Kansas City stockyards to cater it.

Garfield: My Aunt Evelyn is the neatest cat I know. She plucked all the hair off her body so she wouldn't shed on the furniture. Now she's living with a family in L.A. that thinks she's a chihuahua
Гарфилд: Моя тётя Эвелин самая чистоплотная кошка, которую я знаю. Она выдрала с себя всю шерсть, потому что не хотела линять на мебель. Сейчас она живёт в Лос-Анджелесе, в семье, которая считает, что она чихуахуа

Sign: Fred's fresh fish
Вывеска: Свежая рыба Фреда

Garfield: Rain n. 1. water falling to earth in drops. 2. a mild depressant.

Garfield: So this is 1980. Feels about the same
Гарфилд: Итак, 1980-й. На ощупь - то же самое

Garfield: Oh doe! I'm cubbing down wid a code. Loog, I can hardly ebben understad by own thoughts.
Гарфилд: Шмыг. О боже! Я забодеваю. Сботдите, я с тдудоб подибаю собстбеддые бысли

Garfield: I hate codes. I can't beleeb how much my head is stuffed ubb
Гарфилд: Чёдтова пдостуда. Голова пухдет пдосто неведоятно

Garfield: I love a cheery fire in a fireplace
Garfield: It's the sparks I'm not too fond of

Garfield: I hate it when my feet go to sleep
Гарфилд: Ненавижу, когда мои лапы затекают

Jon: Here's a picture of Garfield at the zoo. Here's Garfield sitting next to a very rare $300 parrot. Here's a picture of me shelling out 300 bucks for Garfield's lunch.

Garfield: This would be a good morning for a brisk walk. To the food dish
Гарфилд: Это будет хорошее утро для бодрой прогулки. До миски с едой

Garfield: Gee, I feel good. I feel like being nice to everybody today. I must be coming down with something
Гарфилд: Эгей,чувствую себя чудесно. Хочется сегодня со всеми быть милым. Наверное, подцепил что-то

Garfield: Where there's a will...
Гарфилд: Было бы желание...

Garfield: Cat shows are disgusting. Imagine, pitting one cat against another on a physical basis. This is all so phony
Гарфилд: Выставки кошек отвратительны. Представляете, сравнивать кошек просто по физическим данным! Фикция какая-то

Sign: Cat show
Garfield: Darned if my competitive nature didn't get the best of me again
Вывеска: Выставка кошек
Гарфилд: И снова мой дух соперничества берёт верх, будь он неладен

TV: I've solved the case, captain. The murderer is... We interrupt this program to tell you there's a thunderstorm coming into the area
Garfield: How dare they break into my favorite tv show for a weather report! I'm calling the station to give them a piece of my mind! Boy, am I hot!
Voice: W-N-R-D, hello?
Garfield: MEOW!
Voice: Is this some sort of a joke? Hello?
Garfield: Boy, do I feel dumb
ТВ: Я раскрыл дело, капитан. Убийца это... - Мы прерываем передачу, чтобы сообщить о приближении урагана
Гарфилд: Как они посмели прервать моё любимое шоу ради прогноза погоды! Я позвоню на телестудию и выскажу всё, что о них думаю! Ух, как я зол!
Голос: В-Н-Р-Д, алло?
Гарфилд: МЯУ!
Голос: Это какая-то шутка? Алло?
Гарфилд: Боже, какой я идиот

Garfield: I must speak to Jon about changing the water in my bowl
Гарфилд: Надо сказать Джону, чтобы поменял мне воду в миске

Garfield: Darn. I can't sleep
*Puff puff*
Гарфилд: Блин. Не могу уснуть
*Фуфф фуфф*

Garfield: So this is Tuesday. Do you know what I like most about Tuesday? It's not Monday.

*Scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch*

Garfield: Me, Garfield the cat, a walking flea circus. What a bummer. I don't mind the itching or biting. But the lights from the midway are keeping me awake.

Garfield: Here it is.
«flea (fle) n. a small wingless, bloodsucking parasite... also see: brother-in-law.»

Garfield: Do you know where I'm residing? Bored city, that's where. But not for long. With a positive mental attitude I can whip it. I think I'll make a lateral move to self-pity.

Garfield: Jon says this after shave is supposed to attract women *gallog gallop gallop gallop* Darn... Wrong species
Гарфилд: Джон говорит, что это средство после бритья должно привлечь женский пол *тыгдым тыгдым тыгдым тыгдым* Блин... Не того вида

Jon: GARFIELD! I'M home
Garfield: Gotcha again

Cat: My name's Guido, and this here is my associate, fluffy.
Garfield: Guido and Fluffy?
Cat: I've killed for less than that.
Garfield: One of your sensitive-tough types.

Garfield: Boy, am I beat. I must've walked two blocks today. It will be nice to get home. I miss my chew bone, my chew toy, And Odie, my chew dog.

Garfield: I guess I'll have to hitchhike home. Fortunately for me, I have something most other cats don't. Thumbs

Garfield: It's yawn and crick time. YAWN

Garfield: Claws. The only way to eat olives
Гарфилд: Когти. Единственный способ есть оливки

Garfield: It's been a big day

Garfield: YAWN. POOMP! I'll get you for this, Monday.

Garfield: Hanging on the screen door was more dangerous in olden times when people threw their dishwater out.
Garfield: Old habits die hard.

Garfield: I'm bored. Bored, bored, bored. There must be more things to do on a screen door than just hang here. Nice going, dummy

Garfield: I hate rain. I'm so depressed. Happiness is only a fair weather friend.

Garfield: WAHCHOO! Floral print.